On September 17th, a group of agitated Americans calling themselves Occupy Wall Street gathered in an outward expression of pain at Zuccotti Park in New York City’s Wall Street financial district. The protestors were there for many different reasons, but the one thing that they held in common was a necessity to express their fears and frustrations with who they call the” one-percent.” As the Occupy Wall Street protests spread to other cities and countries, the “one-percent” put their brain-trusts together and were finally able to come up with a plan: holistic medicine.
Scientific studies have shown that capsaicin, an active component of chili peppers, contains a neuropeptide called “ substance P.” In laboratory studies, substance P has been used to alleviate headaches and other physical pains in lab rats. Further analysis has shown the same results in human subjects. Substance P has also been shown to stimulate cell growth and reverse diabetes. After much cry over the lack of a suitable healthcare system provided by the “one-percent,” the Wall Street Occupiers have finally had their wishes granted.
Provided in an easy and mass dispensing form, substance P is distributed in what is better known as “Pepper Spray” by thoroughly trained keepers of the peace. The liquid is misted over the eyes and mouths of the sad occupiers, who are then gently gathered by surrounding officers wearing specially padded uniforms that make the carrying process a pleasant one for all involved.
The effects of the misting have been so incredibly welcomed by the protestors than on November 20th, a group of students at the University of California Davis, sat lovingly outside of the office of University chancellor, Linda P. B. Katehi in a solace show of gratitude. Police departments around the world have embraced the pepper mist. Some even holding in as high regards as the “love baton,” and “peace taser.” Next time you see occupiers on the mist end of a protest, smile and enjoy the humane approaches to democracy that the “one-percent” have provided.
